A Desperate Desire

zach-ro-at-schoolIt has been five weeks since I first laid eyes on her; since I fell in love with her.  It truly was love at first sight.  Never have I felt anything as extraordinary or as strong as the love I feel for her.  I know she’s younger than me, and that to teenagers 3.5 years seems like a lifetime, but what she’s had to endure has matured her.  She’s more mature than most of the girls my age, none of which ever really piqued my interest. Only one to come close was Cora, but that was so short lived and she went off to be a warrior trainee at the Warrior’s Guild in Britain.  But Rowan, she is the one.  I feel it deep inside my soul.  With her I feel like I can take on the world!

It has been just a few weeks since we first made love.  It was the first time for both of us.  The nervousness I felt was so overwhelming, but the desire I had for her in that moment was so much greater.  It won.  I didn’t know what I was doing, to be honest, but it seems like nature kinda kicks in and things fall into place where they should.  Like I told her, we were made to fit together… it really is divine intervention.  God created us to build these deep connections and to ensure our race’s existence through procreation.  But of course, babies at our age would be unbelievably stressful.

Thank God Miss Piper talked to us and gave us sex education we needed to know; we had so many questions.  I just kept looking at Ro, wondering what this would be like with her. I think from that day I started to think of her as the first person I would ever try this with. And now after having done it, I am starting to think she will be the last person I ever do this with. I see myself with her forever, and because of her, I don’t want forever to ever end.

Right now we’re going through a bit of a scare.  Apparently the birth control potion that Miss Piper gave Ro didn’t immediately kick in as we had thought. So there is a possibility that Ro could be pregnant.  That’s scary!  Neither her nor I are ready for such a huge responsibility.  I mean I take care of my brother and sister and that’s hard enough, I can’t imagine a newborn.  And Ro’s young, as I mentioned, she hasn’t fully developed into a woman for her to be pregnant and give birth.  As much as I would love to keep it, because we made love to conceive it, we know if she turns out to be pregnant we will have to terminate.  But as I told her, one day I will mean to put a baby in her tummy.  I know now through this scare that I would want that with her and often! I can see us having lots of babies together. We would watch them grow and marry them off and watch our grand babies… *sighs dreamingly*  Again, I really don’t want forever to ever end.

Which only makes me think about the people that now surround us; the Romanus family.  What would it be to be a vampire? To live forever?  I look at Mister Armand and Miss Merida and they seem so in love, so happy together…. and they truly and really get to have that forever! Besides what’s cooler than being able to fly? I know! Spending a real forever with Ro. Now that would be cool!  To never be parted from her would be my heart’s most desperate desire.  I love her so so much, so completely. I wouldn’t ever want her to suffer through my death or vice versa… I know I couldn’t live without her.

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