Days after Marius pulled me from that cell; I was dragged back into the recording studio with Lestat. I could not help but laugh at my childish best friend. In the one week I was locked away he wrote a whole new album of music for us both. I was glad that he did, it gave me something to focus on other then a nagging in the back of my head that was Marius. Lestat and I sat in the booth and recorded all the instrumentals first, and then meshed it all together, and then we sang. I love singing with him, he has such a unique style to his voice that mirrors mine so beautifully. We were perfect together, musically anyway. He could never be anymore to me then my best friend and confidant.
As Lestat and I finished up a round of recording I felt Marius coming closer to me. I waited in the recording studio finishing up a song Lestat had just sang and smiled. Since Pandora told me to give him hell, I’ve had much fun with it. I wonder, is it wrong to have fun tormenting the man that’s done nothing but help me? I shrug and move on, knowing it was wrong, but who am I to deny the man’s wife her request. Needless to say I missed Marius. I missed our intimate times together. I wanted so badly to hold him and melt his troubles away, if but only for a moment, if but only for a night. But why? I have no clue why I wanted to do this so badly, no idea why I wanted to be his muse, his little escape. He was the one who refused me, rejected me. Yet I still want it. I am a glutton for punishment I guess.
As Marius entered the booth, I stopped what I was doing to smile to him and say my normal hellos. He asked me what work Lestat and I had done. So, I turned on the system and played the songs Lestat and I had sung together. I felt Marius so entranced with our voices so beautifully meshed together. It made me smile and lifted my spirits so high, I loved making him happy. But why do I feel that way? I shrugged it off and continued to play him our music as we spoke more. Somehow the conversation turned to love and relationships. A conversation I avoid at all costs. He asked me if I was ever truly in love with someone. My answer was no, I was never in love. As a mortal I had no time for it, and accepted my fate to become a spinster and forever be alone and I was more then content with that.
Momma and daddy, I watched them closely, how in love they were with one another. For what though? My mother died too young, my father left grieving her. The thought of such happening to me scared me so I never thought to ever try. For some reason Marius could not accept the fact I bury my feelings deep down inside myself and focus just my music. He would not accept the fact I refused to even try loving anyone. I felt a boiling anger as he pressed the subject more and more to me. At that point Bianca, another of his Childers joined us and I learned that she was in love with Marius and not just a plutonic love, no. The woman was IN love with him, but could never have him that way. Marius’ true love was Pandora, we all knew this, and there was no reason for ANY of us to pine after the man that way. To me the woman was just plain stupid for holding onto that love for him, instead of finding someone else to love. I would not say this out loud, I was already in trouble once for saying something out of turn like that.
I refuse to become someone like her. I would not degrade myself and wait eternity for a man to love me as I love him. I had more important things to do then to harbor those feelings. I was so mad, I voiced my opinion of it. And I spoke out against Marius and what happened next I could not believe. He slapped me! He SLAPPED me! Across my cheek! All I could do was go silent. I refused to cry! I refused to react to it! I would not back down from my stance with him again. Not again will I do such a thing! I cannot recall the things he said next but he made mention of marriage to him. Bianca went ballistic, saying she would kill Pandora if she ever allowed him to take a half bit new born vampire like me as a wife before her! All I could do was laugh at her. It was so pathetic and annoying I couldn’t stand it. I just shook my head in amusement.
Lestat heard her yelling and came to investigate the noise. Bianca stormed out teary eyed and upset. Lestat very confused, all he could do was make sure I was alright before Marius dismissed him. What happened next is where I lost my shit. Marius told me to come to him, and being bound to him I had no choice. I got out of my seat and walked over to him. He then pulled me into his lap and kissed me. He KISSED me! My mind went completely blank and before my mind told me to get away, my heart reacted first. I melted into his arms and returned that kiss. All the feelings for him I buried deep down so I could live with myself resurfaced.
After what seemed ages of pure torment and bliss he set me down in a stool and called for Lestat. He made Lestat kiss me like he meant it. Now I have kissed Lestat many times, during our love making, and even during our on stage performances. Now Lestat, oh can that man kiss. Of course I loved him, and enjoyed it, but it didn’t add up to how my heart would sink to my stomach when Marius kissed me. When he set me down once more, Marius demanded me to, NOW! NOW tell him that I was not in love with him. I ran out of that studio and into my bathroom and lost my shit completely.
I cried so hard, why!? Why could he not leave well enough alone! I was in love with Marius, and it hurt so much. I now knew that was why I wanted to be his Muse, his comfort place. Why I needed so badly to make him happy. But it was worthless if he was not in love with me as well. He found me moments later and held me. He told me that he loved me, that my feelings were returned. When he kissed me again, I felt it. I felt what he felt for me and I saw fireworks. Stars and the moon itself were dull compared to what I felt for this man. Now I am in my proper place with him once more. I am his mistress, his muse, his comfort. I could not be happier with that…
