It has been a few weeks since the events of London and Carrie is still volatile at best. As her sire-mother, I simply do not know what to do. I’m trying everything I can. But it seems like I am in this alone. As much Merida has made time to come and visit Carrie, she’s busy with her own healing and she has Armand and the kids to focus on so she barely has the time to spend with Carrie. But bless her unbeating heart, she tries.
Va’lis expects her to be strong, to move on, to get over it. But it is not that easy. It is never that easy. I feel as if he has been so hardened by his own life and the things that have happened to him over the course the last 500+ years that it is almost foreign for him to connect to what is happening to Carrie. Carrie is less than 1 year into the Dark Gift, she’s still by all intents and purposes human. To create progeny that are stable and well balanced, you have to allow them to keep that humanity. We all know Va’lis beat it out of Merida and only with us has she found that side of her again, thanks to Armand. I don’t want Carrie to evolve like that. No vampire should ever have to. Va’lis just needs to learn to re-connect with his own humanity and be more patient.
Va’lis also has to respect the wishes of others. He was told a secret. He should let them tell their own secrets. Carrie was mortified when she found out Va’lis had told me about her rape. Absolutely mortified. And Va’lis was pushing it and pushing it on her… she wasn’t ready to tell me. Another thing forced upon her! Its that lack of respect that will sever the bonds that exist between sire and progeny long before the actual bond is ever broken.
I just honestly was not prepared for that revelation. How do I help my sire-daughter when that is not something I’ve had to tackle before? I am at a loss for words on this. I need clarity. I need Amroth. I need Jade. They always have steered me in the right direction. Perhaps that’s what we need? Some counseling. Amroth is our spiritual leader and Jade is our therapist. We should put them to good use. I’ll bring that up to Va’lis tonight when I see him.
Va’lis and I are really going through it. With our daughters in turmoil, Carrie more than Merida, it is causing a rift between us. Basically because Carrie demands so much time. I feel with both of us working we’re not able to give her the time she needs of us to feel safe and be able to heal. She’s still less than a year old in this life. *sighs* And so much has happened to her! I got fed up of him always coming home late, leaving me to deal with everything but when I say I am going to resign my post to focus on Carrie, he will not have any of it. He just keeps saying, “I’ll be around more.” But then something in Moonglow or Wind comes up and… once again I am alone. So I decided to take Carrie and go live in the Catacombs for a while after yet another fight with Va’lis. Va’lis refused to let Carrie go, but in the end he knew it was best. I simply said, “You’re going to stay with her all day then? Or check in on her every hour like I have been?” He resigned to the fact that he cannot do that. But he did promise me he would come to get us. Promised me on our marriage. We’ll see if he shows up.