The Tribunal of Marius de Romanus, Pt. 10

cherry-seated-sexyI hate waiting on things. Most of the time anyway, especially for things like this. I get anxious when I am forced to wait. And so to pass the time, I began pacing. Back and forth while the others sat around or spoke with one another. I was determined to leave a worn area upon the floor.

Cherry of course was watching me, perhaps wondering what I was thinking. Not that I deserved her thoughts after I wronged her, I know I fucked up but I did want to fix things. It is just hard for me to admit such weakness. Often I doubt that I deserved her love in the first place. So many worries and so little time, one at a time Va’lis… One at a time.

My pacing continued and still her eyes watched me, Carrie watched as well and I could feel her worry from across the room. Another I wronged, and if I had been a better sire perhaps none of this would have happened. I could have forbidden her to marry him so soon after she was brought into this life. She was young and learning still, but instead I gave her what she wanted. Not what she needed.

Another mistake.

That resulted in her being taken, my actions to get her back and then….This whole mess. If Marius was found guilty, would it be my fault? A fresh wave of guilt swept across my mind, freezing me in my tracks. Would it be my fault that so many lost him? I looked to the door… Could I make it to where he was before a verdict was reached? I could offer myself in his place and I would be missed less. I could take the blame for it all. I coul-…

I felt two arms go around my waist and a head upon my shoulder. Carrie, hugging me from behind. A single tear sliding down her cheek as her grip tightened. Had my emotions really flared out like that enough to panic her? Sighing slightly, I turned to face her and wiped the tear away.

“It’ll be ok” Words barely above a whisper formed as I held her tightly and kissed her lightly. “Sit down, calm down and this will all be over soon.”

Oh how easy it was to tell her to calm down as I lead her to a chair. Easy for me to not listen to my own words as well. I did know however, that without getting the emotions in check I would do something stupid. I needed Cherry, even without forgiveness and accepting I still needed her. Just something about her calmed me down, focused my mind.

And so, trying to calm myself in the meanwhile, my feet led me to where she was. Even in her worry she was beautiful. Reaching down, my hand barely touched one of her own.

“Can we talk? Please” My words were for her, and her alone. Quiet enough that only those paying attention could have detected them. Wordlessly, she met my eyes and for a moment I thought she would say no. Yet after a short time, she nodded and I led her away from the others and out a door.

valis-pleading-with-cherryIt took some time to find an area I felt alone enough in to feel comfortable before turning back to face her. A finger went to her lips as she went to speak.

“No. Let me say what I need to say first” My eyes met hers. “And then you can scream, hit , yell or do whatever you want to me”

I started at the beginning.

How I had wronged her, why I did and everything in between. I loved her, and only her like this. She completed me and while yes I did love those I turned, only she was my other half. Nobody could change that and even if she desired to never see me again, it would not change. I promised her, that she would be the very last. I meant it.

My words poured forth, my eyes leaving hers only when I felt another stab of shame. I had a moment of weakness, and though I like to think myself as perfection incarnate….I am not. I just want things normal between us. To laugh, fight and do everything as we used to.

Only at the very end did I meet her eyes evenly. And as I do so very often, I waited.

Waiting for the judgement and waiting for her decision, what else could I find to wait for before the day is out I wonder?

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